And that’s why they’re friends.
i used to be a really smart kid who was “going places” but now i just cry a lot and eat all the food in the fridge
i’m starting to think that a large part of adulthood is doing things you don’t feel like doing in a very timely manner and that’s a real bummer
The best part is that it was a cop calling 911
I lost my shit at self-governing snakes.
"Only thinks of you as a friend "
you: tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke
me: looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you
everything is totally okay i just need to get hit by a car